Self-care is a many layered, multifaceted consideration. When approached as a living, breathing practice we can feel how it moves with us. Getting to know your self-care practice means building a relationship with it, so that you can keep your finger on the pulse and notice minor shifts and fluctuations within your internal system. As we better understand ourselves, we will see that our needs and wants adjust in response to the reality of our day and the quality of our time.
By offering gratitude for understanding our needs, we can see that our self-care is consistently moving towards an equilibrium on our behalf. Nature strives for homeostasis, and in this way our self-care needs are a great regulating energy in our lives. When viewed in this light we can turn towards, and partner with, the parts of us that want to create balance in our lives and advocate for our personal well being through a self-care practice.
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Pre-session Preparation
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Sync your schedule. By entering sessions dates + times into your calendar you will be able to prepare most effectively. To the best of your ability see if you can clear a bit of time before and after the scheduled session for preparation beforehand and integration afterwards. You may also want to set a reminder a day or two in advance to help you focus and start thinking of how you will use your scheduled time.
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Track yourself. Create a note in your phone or use a specific journal or notebook to record thoughts and emotions that arise in-between sessions. In this way you can stay active in your personal-growth journey and help yourself to remember and reflect on these notes before the start of each session, getting grounded and reconnecting with yourself. As an aid in your journey of self-discovery, these personal notes can bring awareness to triggers and tendencies, bringing to consciousness patterns that may be hidden from us before we started tracking ourselves. This also can inform and provide the material to hold space for during a session.
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Clearing time. Before arriving into a session, find a quiet place to settle into yourself. The best you can, let go of your day and allow this time to gather your energy. Visualize yourself pulling your energy in from all the many places you might find it. Take notice of the thoughts that may pop up; without going into the details, it may be helpful to write these down. Notice how you feel and recognize the places where there is resistance. If this starts to feel too intense, visualize turning down the intensity dial and be soft with yourself, with a reminder that you are about to move into a session to help support you. To the best of your ability try not to rush into a session last minute, but also remember you are doing the best you can, and how you arrive is exactly as it needs to be to do the work that is calling to be done.
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Post Session Self Care
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Integration time. The work continues after the session is complete. Remember to give yourself room to process and be gentle with yourself. Give yourself space in your schedule and plan for your post session integration. Give yourself some breathing room to decompress and be in a calm space. Developing a post-session routine can be extremely self-supportive. Whether it is a walk, a cup of tea with your journal or a hot soak in the tub, having a gentle routine you know you can rely on provides a sense of safety, support and beneficial regulation.
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Some things that may arise post session are:
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Physical effects. While the effects of a session may leave you feeling lighter and energized, the opposite is also true. If periods of low-energy or fatigue find you, let them be. Nurture yourself by knowing this is a part of the process that you are moving through. Sometimes our bodies need to slow down in order to rebalance and reorganize. You may also feel foggy. If this is the case remember that it is your body’s way of softening a shift. Most of all, try to be gentle with yourself, don’t push and practice self-compassion.
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Intense emotions. These may be suppressed emotions rising to the surface, or a part that is triggered by the reorganization that your system may be moving through. Remember to provide as much space as possible for yourself and when you feel a strong emotion rising, try to soften around it and allow it to be what it is. If it feels safe use your breath to center and focus, embrace it with compassion as it moves through you. The flip side of this is feeling emotionally depleted. This too is a call for compassion and rest, it is all part of the process. It is okay to take some time for yourself and be alone for a bit.
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Emergence of old memories. Older or repressed memories can come back to you in various ways, including; when triggered, in your dreams, as flashbacks, body memories or somatic symptoms. As we work through a session, we often touch and unearth painful and complicated emotions that have been living within us, relatively undisturbed, for a long time. Emotions are tied to memories. Knowing this we can care for ourselves by allowing memories and emotions to surface and acknowledge them. Tapping and journaling are a great way to recognize and further process. You can also bring these very things to your next session to continue the work.
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Awareness of the Apex Effect. The Apex Effect is a term coined by Roger Callahan, founder of Thought Field Therapy, to refer to a phenomenon frequently observed in an energy psychology practice. This will show up as discounting the work done in a session that produced the positive effects experienced afterward. Why is it important to be mindful of this? We are advocating here that you do not minimize all of the work you are doing! Your shift may appear to be effortless after the fact, but it took all of your dedication and vulnerability to arrive at the moment of shifting.
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Remember that this work truly supports sustainable change.
Your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves will be in a period of flux.
Below are ways that you can proactively support yourself after a session:
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Drink water, a lot of water. The brain and heart are composed of 73% water, the lungs are about 83% water, the skin 64% and the muscles and kidneys are about 79% water. Even are bones are watery, 39%. (www.usgs.gov) These percentages mirror Earth’s 71% of water, making us really, a water planet. Author and artist, Veda Austin, has renamed us hydro-sapiens. Take a look at her powerful work The Secret Intelligence of Water here and her website here. And then there is Dr. Masaru Emoto, of course, who was a pioneer in exhibiting how the molecular structure in water transforms when exposed to words, thoughts, sounds and intentions. His work exhibited that water is living consciousness. Link to discover more here. We are saying all of this to show how instrumental the element of water is and how supportive it is to consciously take care of ourselves through proper hydration. Water assists us in flushing out toxins: physical, emotional and energetic. If you are feeling stuck, or down, trying consciously drinking water to gently get things moving.
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Comfort yourself. Whatever this means to you; a hot bath, curl up with a book or a movie and a blanket, spend time in the kitchen, whatever it may be. You may find yourself craving a certain food, hold this gently without judgement, and focus on nourishing yourself like you would a good friend or loved one.
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Havening. There is a technique called havening, developed by Ronald A. Ruden, that is known to have profound effect of comfort and reassurance. Havening, the transitive verb of the word haven, means to put into a safe place. With the simple technique of rubbing your arms or head, holding and hugging yourself, you can receive positive affirmative energy that supports your nervous system and brings about needed comfort and self-regulation. You can read more about havening here.
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Journal. It sounds so simple, yet it is a tremendously healthy habit so many of us struggle to maintain. By writing down the thoughts that are occupying your mind, a couple of minutes a day, will ground you and connect you with the present moment and help to process what you are feeling. It does not need to be perfect, in fact it is so much better if it’s not… just scribble down what you are processing and allow the words to flow. You may try writing from different parts of yourself, giving each voice space to express itself. Or you may find prompts that work for you, giving yourself seed statements to connect inward and expand on, such as “Describe the quality of your current energy”, or finish the statement “Right now life feels like…”
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Move a muscle, change a thought. The ole slogan holds true. Getting out for a walk or a run, or whatever physical activity you feel connected to, can help shift the energy and allow feelings to process and pass through. Movement can have powerful and profound effects on the biochemistry of the brain. It often gets you out of the repetitious cycles of the head and places us in our bodies in present moment time.
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Breathing techniques for regulation. Sit comfortably and choose any hand position that feels right. Close or soften your eyes and just observe your natural breath. Allow your lower belly to expand on the inhale and let your lower belly sink back towards your spine on the exhale. Continue with this until it feels easy and natural. Gently and lightly inhale through the nose, belly expanding, exhaling through the mouth belly relaxing. As you inhale through the nose create and audible breath by drawing the breath to the back of the throat and sinus cavity. Exhale through the mouth with a soft “haaa” sound, as if you are cleaning your glasses. Creating sound stimulates the Vagal system as does listening to the sound of your breath you are making. Keep the length of the inhale the same and allow the exhale to become longer than the inhale. At the top of the gentle inhale pause your inhalation for about three seconds as breath retention stimulates the Vagal system. Then slowly exhale the breath out through the mouth, allowing the exhalation to lengthen as you relax. When you get to the bottom of the exhale coast for a few seconds or whatever is comfortable. Gently open your eyes and hold a soft gaze, focusing on a point in front of you. Try to see if the eyes can sit still. Continue with this breath pattern. Close or soften your eyes and return to natural breathing. This will allow the vagal system to reset. Wait a few moments before opening your eyes. Notice any shifts that may have occurred both internally and externally. For more information on the Vagal Nerve, link to Stephan Porges work here. Also check out Deb Dana’s Rhythm of Regulation which has practical applications for working with Polyvagal Theory here.
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Remember you are moving through a process. The courage of self-discovery is most supported when met with softness and compassion. Developing a trusted circle of support can assist you in moving through tricky moments and challenging times. Self-care means asking yourself what you need and following through on the honest answers. When we understand that self-care increases our emotional and physical health, builds resilience, and paves the way for kinder, more compassionate engagement with the world around us, we can see that meeting our own emotional and physical needs first, is the only way we will build the world we want to see in the future.